NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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