You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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