Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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