You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
