Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
