i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
