My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
No subtext here. People are naked.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
