That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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