she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
