She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
