I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The air was thick with penises
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Randomize