Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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