The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize