Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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