508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
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