And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
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