so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
