well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
