accomplished twins. life is a go
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
