Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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