I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
