Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
