i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
