This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
