I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
