then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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