His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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