Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
