And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
