Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
