So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize