If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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