I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
