I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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