one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
