she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
