ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
