we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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