I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
