Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
