so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
