I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
