and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
