So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
