I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
