I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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