I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
