3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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