Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
