Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
