My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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