I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
