I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
