I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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