it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
