And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
