I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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