Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
