Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
