man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
