New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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