shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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