hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Four minutes until I can fart!
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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