Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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