He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
sarcasm needs its own font
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
