Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
